nothing could’ve gone worse today. life decisions leap upon you sometimes that you hardly have time to blink. relationships that are on the way to recovery can shatter in less than a moment. and pent up pain will only metastasize.

there was something specific i wanted to write about, but it’ll have to wait until i get home.

until then…

I never wanted to focus on the drama. I never wanted to feel second best. I never wanted to be so lonely.

Most of the time, it’s not so bad. Sometimes it’s even really wonderful. But then there are times like now and last night when everything becomes more important and I just stay behind, waiting and waiting. It’s 10:59 and someone just left the house, disregarding my feelings, promising to make it up; while I know his intentions are good, I also know they’re easily forgotten and other things come up which make promises irrelevant.

I’m glad I’m working all day tomorrow. At least then I won’t be waiting around to get hurt.

Its been a while since I wrote. In fact, this is the first blog I’ve written since shortly after my daughter was born. I thought I’d keep up a blog when I had to get up in the middle of the night. That was short lived.

Anyways, so I used to write about things that were really important to me, things that I had opinions on, or things that happened to me. I always start a blog by writing my whole life history (lol), but I think I ought to start a new trend and move on from the past. So here goes..

It’s currently 9:40 pm and I just spent the last like hour catching up with a guy friend I haven’t really talked to since jr. high! Pretty wild how things change so dramatically. And yet, when you think about it, things end up exactly how you thought they would. It doesn’t surprise me at all where he is in his life, just based on what I knew of him as we were growing up. 🙂 It was actually kind of refreshing to catch up with him – we were kinda silly and immature when we last knew each other. Good to know both of us are maturing.

Ok besides that… I should be doing homework. My husband went off and left me tonight to go see the Book of Eli…… which pissed me off. Not that I care about the movie so much, but I work my a$$ off all week at 3 jobs, yes I said THREE, and I’m taking 15 credits, yes I said FIFTEEN. Not to mention I cook, clean, and take care of our Kaila when I’m home. And everything in between. So needless to say, I place a lot of value on spending quality (and quantity) time with Jared. Saturday nights are THE ONLY nights I’m home. And what night does he HAVE to pick to go and leave me home?? SATURDAY NIGHT.

Now its 9:45 and I’m wondering what to write about next. This used to come so easily, I barely had to think about it. Now I’m like drumming my fingers on the keyboard, wracking my brain, trying to sound intelligent. OH, another thing I should be doing: cleaning our room. For some reason, I can manage to keep the rest of the house picked up, and usually keep the laundry caught up, but our room is ALWAYS a disaster!!! There is seriously more clothes on the floor than in the closet. It drives me insane. How can I study when everything around me is so cluttered??? It makes my brain feel cluttered. Which probably has something to do with why I didn’t study last semester very much, come to think of it.

Speaking of school, I should probably mention that I’m taking my last set of prereqs for the nursing program at Lake Michigan College. So I’m taking anatomy, chemistry, math, and computer. I took chem last semester, but like I said, I didn’t really study, so I’m taking it again because I don’t want to risk not getting into the program because my GPA isn’t high enough.

Oh, I should also meniton that Jared and I live with Jared’s brother and sisterinlaw. At first, it was….not ideal to say the least. Now, its not so bad… we still don’t always get along, but we have a pretty big house… we just have to share the kitchen basically. And sometimes we have really good conversations and stuff.

You know, I have found that you learn more about the person you care about shortly AFTER you get married, then during the time you date. I thought I really knew Jared when we were dating, and in theory I did. But there was so much he didn’t tell me that went on. I’m not going to disclose any of that here, but honesty is so important in a relationship. The only other alternative in my mind equates to betrayal.

Well its now 9:52 and I think I’ll call this sufficient for my first blog entry 🙂

G’Night world.

Kaila and I the first night of Family Camp